Since moving to 'quon (I call it that now, because I'm so deeply rooted in all things Mequon, that I'm able to give it an annoying insiders nickname), I've been hit up by neighbors hawking all manner of useless, overpriced, possibly illegal items all in the name of charity and fundraising. And since I want to seem like a nice, generous neighbor to these veritable strangers begging me for money (but not bothering to stop by and introduce themselves first), I've taken the bait.
Last week two tiny, $9 rolls of wrapping paper appeared on my front door. It's lovely paper really, and will be quite useful this Christmas. I felt a small measure of good will at having simultaneously donated money to the local elementary school and having ticked off a box on my pre-Christmas list. A fine thing indeed.
However yesterday afternoon, while I was out for a run, another package arrived. It was so loathsome, so infuriating, to my dear husband that at one point I had to hide it because it was contributing to the kind of mood only seen after last-second-Packer-losses and kids-screaming-in-the-car-for-45-minutes.
What could cause such offense, you wonder? It was small, really...the package advertising a mere 7 ounces. Rather flagrantly, actually. Attached was a small note which read: Betsy Jost $15. Fifteen dollars for something that weighs SEVEN OUNCES? No. No it was NOT a steak. A seven ounce steak for $15 is even a little overpriced. So no, it was no meat item. It was not seven ounces of gold (a steal) or seven ounces of Jack Daniels (maybe a bargain?) or even seven ounces of chocolate (meh? not a deal or a steal). It was seven ounces of POPCORN. For FIFTEEN DOLLARS. Do you know what that even looks like? I'll tell you. It looks like a big-steeeenking-rip. What's worse is that right on the bag in a big yellow bubble it touted "70% of profits go to -----!" Like that was some big accomplishment. Really? Really Trails End Popcorn? So that means that you're making what...like $5 on this bag of just so-so cheese corn? Do you club baby seals in your spare time too?
Listen, I'm not looking for value in these fundraising efforts, I'm really not. Because, let's face it-$3.75 for 20 cookies is no bargain. But at least the Girl Scouts are selling something that can't be readily found in the snack aisle for 75% less.
So the next time --- comes knocking at my door I'm going to throw $15 at them and close the door. At least it will save my husband the anguish of staring down a $47 bag of mixed nuts.
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